Retrospectives: broken & empty

broken and empty in words / escaping lips that have tasted this bitter drink / and yet I still stand / and I still sing / with a heart that is tainted / I call out to you / like I keep you there / but I don't / I keep you at arms length / or further / buried in the darkest corner of my soul / so I don't have to feel / and when I sing these words / broken and empty / I fall down / I'm smacked in the face by humility / reminded that I'm worse than nothing / an dI don't feel real in my skin / and I can't breathe in this body / this thing that keeps me from you / I can't bring myself to your grace / I'm alone / its my fault / and I don't know how to ask for forgiveness / I don't know how to let you back in / how can I stand / break me and fill me / oh Lord / piece me together with your grace / and fill me with your love / and show me who you are / because my fragile human spirit / needs to be reminded

Retrospectives: these words are my expression, they are not for you.

sometimes I laugh harder than the pain laughs at me and smile brighter than the burning in my heart. and sometimes the heart on my sleeve gets caught in the storm and the rain and the thunder and lightning. and sometimes I lie when I'm drowning just so you wont reach your hand in to save me. sometimes I don't know how to be okay with being okay. sometimes I don't know how to be happy in shitty situations filled with hate. sometimes it is cold on this side of your shoulder when eyes don't even meet and hearts are hard. sometimes I don't need it all I just need something more than nothing. sometimes I don't know what to do but turn around and walk away because that's all that keeps me sane. sometimes there's more to say than I can put into words. sometimes i want sometimes i don't sometimes i hope sometimes i hope for not sometimes i think I'm okay in this state of lacking sometimes I wish I weren't

Retrospectives: to be

is it too much to ask? to be seen to be heard to be felt to be known to be loved in spite of… you murdered this piece of me that still held hope that still saw light in the stars you murdered it with your lies have fun playing kickball with people's hearts because even God's timing will run out and actions tell the truth not empty words that you throw back and forth at this heart you've repeatedly torn in two so i leave you in peace like you leave me in pieces

Retrospectives: shadows

i saw a shadow in the fogon a solitary drive home in the same fog that hides the outline of the moon and obscures the stars from view for months the fog has been rolling in making it harder to see or to move or to breathe tonights the night when shadows come and scare the fog away shadows means there's light ahead in the world that lies beneath beneath fear beneath abandonment beneath dependency there's hope there's hope in shadows there's hope in the one who makes this shadow and the light that leads us home

Retrospectives: honestly

midnight is where the day beginsillusions of truth lost in the tails of shooting stars the sun in your eyes made the lies worth believing honestly honesty is too much for me with visions of redemption i walk against the crowd be true to yourself and the truth will set you free i can't be anything but me but maybe that's not what you need if only this (meaning me) was something more than nothing to you sometimes i wonder were you real did we share these memories and i find it hard to believe our paths crossed for the blink of an eye

Retrospectives: this is...this is...this is...

i curled up with razorsthis is the end this is the end here we go…down the hill…living life for every thrill that we shouldn't be living this life for this blanket keeps me warm wrapped in hate wrapped in guilt wrapped in everything I know I did wrong and this is my sorry this is my i give up this is my last resort this is me…on my knees…wishing you would see…all that this means i wont fail to breathe in this gas drown in this sea hang in this noose drink down this sin that i poured for myself this is my goodbye this is my runaround this is my defense this is me hiding deeper and farther than you would ever come this is me pushing you further they say old habits die hard…i say burn habits burn i say the harder you try the farther you fall so i fall into new beginnings with the hardest part still ahead and learning how to be me again …this is it…

Retrospectives: good gracious

this is us dancingover streaks of light painted on wet asphalt while tears from heaven drench our hoods and reflections of raging storms eye us from puddles below while we dance we are above it all we are higher than the puddles that others so easily drown in we are protected from downpours that always surround us hardcore dancing in the rain this is the way we love