love built it and love will tear it down

it's just a room
with walls
for limits
and a glass ceiling
to hold us in

it's just a system
with rules
for order
and structures
to control our beliefs and our behaviors

Love built it
your genitals commodified it
your white skin colonized it
your arrogance organized it
and you hoarded it's power
and Love will tear it down

Love built it and Love will tear it down

it was never meant to be reined in
it was never meant to be exclusive
it was never meant to be given limits
it was never meant to oppress
it was never yours to dominate

Love is high and wide and deep
Love holds and knows and sees
Love is free and freely given
Love is you and Love is me
Love is our bodies in all complexity
in pleasure and in pain
in hope and in despair
Love is imminent
Love is human and divine
Love is presence
Love is mystery

Love built it and Love will tear it down

color

i wrote this poem last fall. i found it this week getting ready to share something else. it feels true still.

this shard of color
from which the wild rhythm builds
demands trust
to the beat of not seeing this soul

this shard of color
was a lyrical blue
your composing
my composing
a collaborative illusion
through my fingers like sand

yet hope needs more
than these bold lips can proclaim
for you are free in the form of a lie
and there are no further words
for me to speak

all that is left is breath and time
but i
we linger fully sacred here

give me my words

give me my words.
i am no longer asking,
demanding.

for too long
the words i have performed
have formed me into
a walking contradiction
projecting a truth
i don't truly believe.

for too long
the words i have performed
have filled me with
vacancy
the substance of lacking.

for too long
the words i have performed
have named me
Unlovable
too ugly, too intense, too broken, too...


give me my words.
i am no longer asking,
demanding.

i need my words
because they give
form
shape
boundary
definition
and clarity to
pain.

i need my words
because they
fill
embody
hold
and dwell in
emptiness.
without my words
i simply feel
FULLY
and
DEEPLY
with nowhere
for that to go.

so it just sits,
those feelings
(those words)
just sit
inside
and they grow,
they take life,
they begin to
breathe
taking my own breath
and stealing my strength.

i need my words
because they give me
strength
and power.

power to name
because there is
power
in a name
and power in naming.

i need my words
because they communicate
hope
truth
truth that i need to hear
over the sound of lies
that i have believed for too long.

FOR TOO LONG.

give me my words. i am no longer asking, demanding.

still more

air rushes inand for the hint of a moment
i am full
i am filled
until
the flutter of
adrenaline kicks
and just as quickly
the air escapes
the salty droplets
seem to halt
at my lashes
because i can't bring myself to
let go
there is a weight
so heavy on my chest
as the rhythm repeats:
in, full
panic, out
because i know
deep down i know
there is still more to process
still more pain
still more lies to dismantle
still more truth to unfold
this is me
i am strong
i am confident
i am whole
i am known
and named.
it isn't a lie
yet
words
and memories
still swirling around
still stuck in my heart
words
and memories
like bricks and mortar
keeping this wall
impenetrable
but why?
my biggest question is
why?
why is love still the issue?
why have i gotten so good at portraying an image
no matter how true
that it is the only thing even i can see?
why don't i believe it?

wander / wonder

i find my
feet
           wandering
on to ground
we dared not tread,
past the gate
that Fear keeps secure.

i find my heart
           wondering
what is this stillness here?
this silence that is so full     (breath)
       so holy
    (breath)
that it echoes
though no words have been spoken.

i find my mind
           wandering
in the peace of a place
       called home
holding fast to these
trumpet-tongued secrets
to these
mysteries of a loud shout.

i find my eyes
           wondering
what it is like to see
beyond the darkest shadows here
beyond wounds
we pretend to hide.

i find my thoughts
           wandering
deeper and deeper
my entire being
       becoming addicted
    to the freshness of the air
    to the wholeness of my spirit
    to the Beauty of the other
    to the Truth of this Love.

i find my soul
           wondering
how there could have been
a time
without hope in the One
       who names &
       who knows.

finally giving in

The screen door slammed to a close behind her as she stepped outside into the gray and misty mid-afternoon. Slowly she turned the small box over in her hands, pulling off the plastic wrap as she went. As she opened the box the smell flooded her nostrils, and for a moment she was nostalgic for the time when this was routine. She recalled evenings staring at stars, long road trips, and deep conversations. She pulled one of the small cylinders up to her lips and reached into her pocket for the same lighter she had used years before. The clove crackled as it caught fire and she inhaled deeply. The feeling was familiar, yet distant. The minutes ticked by along with the memories, and her lungs started to burn as the pleasant recollections gave way to bitter ones. She flicked the cigarette to the ground and covered it with her shoe. She walked to the edge of the yard to the garbage cans and with a heavy sigh dropped in the still full box. This time, she knew there was no going back.

to the mountaintop

i found this poem that i never posted. it accompanied a painting that i made as part of my process of reflection after a trip to new orleans and jackson, mississippi in 2009.

there's something electric in the air today it has the energy of a revolution of truth & love

my eyes are open to things broken: to the battered lives bound by hurt and to the chains that lie in ruins around a life that has been redeemed

and you are calling me to the mountaintop

i run hard with all i have to meet you there

this is the journey you and i are on one day high laughing, living, rejoicing and all too quickly facedown struggling to regain what has been lost

the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in his wings

let's start a revolution against the forces that impede truth

let's start a revolution against unforgiveness

let's start a revolution against cycles of hurt passed on to others

let's start a revolution of hope.