telling a good story
last quarter, one of my classes required me to do some research into members of my family. when i began digging, i was surprised by what i started to find out, and i decided to continue to dig deeper. here are a few of the very interesting things that i learned about my family: *danish and czech are the two cultures that run richest in my blood, but there is also a smattering of english, irish, scottish, french, german and dutch. *i have blood ties to an all-but extinct native american tribe called the chetco, who were located at the mouth of the rogue river on the oregon/california border in the 1800s *my paternal grandfather (and thus my last name) can be traced all the way back to the mid 17th century in france. my ancestors were huguenots who fled to the US to escape persecution by the catholic church *one of my ancestors was an activist in the temperance movement in new england in the 18th century. his essays have been compiled into a book which i now proudly own *another one of my ancestors successfully traveled from michigan to california during the gold rush, and wrote letters back to his hometown during the process. these have since been compiled as well *much of my family has been in the united states since its founding, or shortly thereafter aside from these interesting facts about distant generations, part of what i was struck by was the vastness of it all. i saw all these lives that had to unfold exactly the way they did in order for me to come into existence. i was also struck by the individual stories of those around me. for example, i learned a lot about the lives that my grandparents lived - details that i was not privy to as a child, or just didn't think to ask about. the most important thing that i learned from my family is that we each have a story that we are living out. this is something that i've thought about before, so its not entirely new, but i began to look at my story from an entirely different perspective. as i began to learn about the lives of individuals within my family i began to wonder what kind of story would be told about me two, three, or even more generations from now. i learned things about my grandparents and other family members that i had known before but hadn't understood the full scope of, or hadn't seen from this angle before. i began to understand that the way we articulate our stories is important. the language we use, the attitudes we have, are often just as important as our actions or the choices we make. finally, i've learned that every story is just as important as the next. my goal in the next couple months, before beginning seminary and grad school, is to catch up on as many stories that i can. i want to know the stories i haven't heard from people who are closest to me, like my brother, my dad and my grandmother. i want to catch up with friends that i haven't have time or energy to invest in while finishing my undergrad. and i want to hear new stories - preferably those that share a different perspective than i'm used to, or might challenge me to reevaluate my assumptions about life, God or the world.
Growing Up
Okay friends, I promised that I would write more about Haiti and what it means for my life coming back. Well, here is that post. Last year in Haiti, I came back with some pretty clear words from God. I had direction on next steps, letting some things go, and moving forward in a lot of areas of my life. However, when I got home it was less than a day before those lessons flew right out of my mind. I stalled. I chose not to take it seriously, not to move forward, and not to let go. As a result, I have spent much of the last year stuck in a rut. Which is not to say that I have not progressed or grown at all, or that I'm not moving forward (e.g. with schooling). It just means that my growth and progress has been hindered because I am still carrying things that I have been commanded to let go of, and still engaging in behaviors that I have been commanded to grow out of. This year, I happened to take the same journal that I had used last year, and so I read back through what was going through my head in Haiti 2011. I was shocked to see that I had "learned" the lessons that I was hoping to learn this time around! God had already given me the answers that I was looking for, I just chose to ignore it for a year. So I have realized that there are no more excuses. I can't continue to wait for God to show me or speak to me, because God already has. It is up to me to act now. It is time to stop wondering about the kind of woman of God that I could be, and start becoming that person. It is time to stop hoping my circumstances will change and act out of the situation I am in now. It is time to stop wishing I had been dealt a different hand and start playing the one I've got. It is time to grow up, stop making excuses, and live my life to the fullest. Here are some of my action points[1]: -I will find an intergenerational fellowship of women in order to gain different perspectives and wisdom outside of my peer group. -I will develop relationships with people who challenge me to growth. -I am beginning a devotional in order to maintain the act of reading the Bible for my heart and not just my mind. -I plan on losing the 20lbs I gained in my laziness this last year. -I will begin taking bigger steps toward my goal of serving overseas. This begins with a "conference" in Portland in two weeks about discerning next steps with people who know way more about missions than me. -I will establish the core values that drive me as a person...and then choose to live by them. -I will be in prayer about returning to Haiti next year, for a longer period of time, in order to work directly with the school and community in Foison. Friends, please keep me accountable to this list. Ask me about these things. Ask me what I'm learning. I would really appreciate it. <BR><BR><BR>
[1] I reserve the right to add or remove from this list at any time.
Arrest Me
I am returned from my latest jaunt in Haiti. Lo and behold, this trip has had its own group of challenges and lessons. I had the benefit of realizing them during the trip this time, and thus I am not left with confusion or trying to find answers. God spoke pretty clearly, and I left with some pretty clear calls for how to move forward. To give you a sense of where I am at, here's a song written by my friends in the band The Hills Beyond. It describes both where my heart is at this current point in time, and also is my prayer as I seek to move forward. I will post more about my processing, and the specifics of how I want to be growing in a future post. Arrest me, O God. Arrest me, O God Take captive my attention Take hold of my affection And seize my adoration For they have wandered far They have wandered far Arrest me, O God. Arrest me, O God Correct my indecision Confront my indignation Contain my own rebellion For I have wandered far I have wandered far I have wandered far Arrest me, O God. Arrest me, O God Receive me in adoption Reform me in redemption Restore me in salvation For I have wandered far I have wandered far Make me a home, for I have wandered far You make all things new And you help me love you You make all things new And you help me desire you Help us love you, Help us desire you
baptism and community
a wee bit ago, in my theology class, we talked about baptism. I have been meaning to write down my thoughts on this matter since then...now, my thoughts are filtered through recent experiences at my church. so, as I recount my thoughts here, i will talk about baptism in order to talk about community. there are two primary types of baptism that are practiced in most churches: infant baptism, and the believer's baptism. some ideas about each (not exhaustive, but some basics):
| infant baptism | believer's baptism |
|---|---|
| *cleansing of sin (particularly original sin) *initiation or welcoming into the Church *emphasis on God's salvific work that only God can do | *an outward symbol of an inward commitment *a public proclamation *emphasis on personal faith, one's own choice |
Anabaptists, such as the Amish, have a particular view of baptism that is somewhat unique, and have a unique process leading up to baptism. they don't do infant baptism, they practice a form of the "believer's baptism" that initiates a person into the Amish community. before a person makes a commitment to the Amish church, they are free to explore the world as they please. once they decide to make the commitment, they are baptized into the Amish community, welcomed with open arms, invited to participate in all that it means to be in community with God and with other believers.
what is community, and what does it mean to participate?
community is not finding a group of people to meet my needs. community is not about overcoming loneliness. community is not about getting my way. consider:
“When people are very detached, very devoid of purpose and a coherent world view, Christians must be very suspicious of talk about community. In a world like ours, people will be attracted to communities that promise them an easy way out of loneliness, togetherness based on common tasks, racial or ethnic traits, or mutual self-interest. There is then little check on community becoming as tyrannical as the individual ego. Community becomes totalitarian when its only purpose is to foster a sense of belonging in order to overcome the fragility of the lone individual. Christian community, life in the colony, is not primarily about togetherness. It is about the way of Jesus Christ with those whom he calls to himself. It is about disciplining our wants and needs in congruence with a true story, which gives us the resources to lead truthful lives. In living out the story together, togetherness happens, but only as a by-product of the main project of trying to be faithful to Jesus.” -Stanley Hauerwas and William Willmon, Resident Aliens
participating in community, then, is about living into the story that God is telling in the world - in the lives of people everywhere, and particularly those he's called. participating in community is dying to self in order to live out a story together. we cannot participate in community if our primary concern is ourselves. Jesus's birth, life, death and resurrection pushed into the entirety of the human experience in order to fully redeem every inch of humanity. atonement, then, is a done deal. baptism is less about our choice to accept that fact and more about us leaning into that truth - stepping into that reality. the reality of the atoning work of Christ is communion with and identity in God and a new life on earth with others. one story, and all of creation participating in it.
i have no other word for this feeling
...other than grief.
fitting, since grief has been such a repeated theme this year[1]...
i am being tested in two of the areas i have felt the most called to growth this year: in learning how to grieve well, and committing to something despite occasional disagreement. in this conversation, though, these two things exist together. and the occasional disagreement has become a potentially divisive and very hurtful issue.
there are a million thoughts running through my head. i don't believe the right decision is being made, but mostly i am deeply mourning the fact that we are in the position to have to make this decision in the first place. and we put ourselves here. we need to own that. only then can we begin to move forward into a place of healing and redemption.
i am praying for hope.
[1]See here and here.
vision
one of the biggest ways that i have grown this year is in my ability to vision. let me be clear here, i have always been a visionary. the thing about how i vision, though, is that i'm a dreamer. i dream big, i have big hopes, i like to imagine the greatest possibility. maybe this is more idealist than visionary. what i am learning this year is to vision realistically. to take these big dreams that i have and to figure out how they fit into everyday life. to evaluate where i have been, the mistakes i have made and to see what needs to be changed, flexed, tweaked so that i can move forward. i have had the opportunity to do this in my own personal life, as well as in making decisions that affect groups of people. never before have i been in such a position as to be accountable for the longterm effects of my dreams, and what works and what doesn't about them. in the past i have been a part of streamlining and making systems more efficient, particularly in the day-to-day operations of banking, but how do you do this when it comes to people, relationships, community? the rules are definitely not the same. i have been the person who has a big dream, leaps with all my might for the stars, and settles into something comfortable when that epically fails - for a little while, until my next big dream comes along. this year i have learned how to have a dream, make a plan, take a step, evaluate and keep moving. sometimes this involves pushing through something that is difficult in order to find out what works and what doesn't. sometimes i have resorted back to my pattern of retreat when things didn't go as planned. but still i get to dream. i'm learning not just to dream big, but to dream well.
a review of Love Wins by Rob Bell
DISCLAIMER:1.) Read the book. If you have strong thoughts on this book but have not read it, I recommend you do. If you feel so strongly, you should know exactly what you feel strongly about. Also, this review won't do justice to the points that Bell is trying to make, nor should it. This is my reflection on the book, with a small amount of summation.
2.) Before you read the book, or this review for that matter, take a few moments to pray, and allow God out of the tiny little box you keep him in (we all have one). Take a step back from the few verses that you put your weight on and look at the story of Scripture as a whole.
A summary of Bell's main points:
Bell talks about heaven. He speaks of heaven as both now and not yet. He tells some stories from Scripture, and some stories from ministry. Here are some of his thoughts on heaven that stood out to me:
"What Jesus taught, what the prophets taught, what all of Jewish tradition pointed to and what Jesus lived in anticipation of, was the day when earth and heaven would be one. The day when God's will would be done on earth as it is now done in heaven. The day when earth and heaven will be the same place (emphasis his)" (p 43).
"Taking heaven seriously, then, means taking suffering seriously, now. Not because we've bought into the myth that we can reate a utopia given enough time, technology, and good voting choices, but because we have great confidence that God has not abandoned human history and is actively at work within it, taking it somewhere" (p45).
"Heaven comforts, but it also confronts" (p48).
Bell also speaks about hell. Just as heaven is both now and not yet, so is hell. Again, he shares some stories from Scripture and some stories from ministry. Here are some of his thoughts on hell that stood out to me:
"It is absolutely vital that we acknowledge that love, grace, and humanity can be rejected. From the most subtle rolling of the eyes to the most violent degredation of another human, we are terrifyingly free to do as we please" (p72).
"There are individual hells, and communal, society-wide hells, and Jesus teaches us to take both seriously. There is hell now, and there is hell later, and Jesus teaches us to take both seriously" (p79).
Finally, Bell comments on the role of Jesus in the redemption of humanity and all of creation. Yes, all of creation. True to form, Bell shares some Scripture and stories here too.
"[Jesus] is as narrow as himself and as wide as the universe" (p155).
"Refusing to trust is often rooted in a distorted view of God" (p175).
"Jesus meets and redeems us in all the ways we have it together and in all the ways we don't, in all the times we proudly display for the world our goodness, greatness, and rightness, and in all of the ways we fall flat on our faces" (p190).
This is by no means comprehensive. Go read the book!
My thoughts:
First of all, I would like to point out that most of what Bell says in this book he has said elsewhere in his books, NOOMA videos, Tour videos, or sermons.
Bell introduces some very interesting thoughts and questions, none of which I think are new or all that shocking. The essence of what Bell is saying (in my opinion and interpretation) is that we have limited God by putting God in a tiny little box and either focusing on one or two aspects of God's character without acknowledging the rest, or viewing God through the lenses of our broken human relationships. The fact of the matter is, God is beyond our comprehension. We can't understand the vastness of who God is, and placing limitations on God is cheating God and ourselves.
We are a people, especially the American Church, who have forgotten what it is like to have to rely on each other. We are individualistic and success oriented. We don't really have to trust others, and we don't really have to trust God. And why would we trust God, if the God we believe in is vengeful and angry and exclusive? We have created a God in our own image, to serve our own interests. We have robbed God of the freedom to act in this world and in our lives. Bell says "refusing to trust is often rooted in a distorted view of God". Because we have created this distorted view of God, it is easy to withhold our trust. But God is love. And if God loves us, and not just us but all of creation, wouldn't he be working toward our betterment and reconciliation?
Lets quick take a step back and look at the narrative of Scripture. When I read the Bible, I see a cycle of two things for the people of Israel: judgment and restoration. Judgment is always necessary when Israel goes astray, but its goal is always restoration. I believe in a God who is working in the world to reconcile all of creation. I don't believe that it would be glorifying to God for billions of people to be wasting away in a fiery pit for all eternity. The God of the universe that I worship is big enough to redeem everything God has created.
Which now begs the question: What about Jesus? If God ultimately will redeem everyone, what's the point in professing faith in Christ and seeking to follow him in our lives? Why don't I just go run off and do lots of drugs, drink all the time, have lots of sex and become the dictator of an impoverished nation? Is Jesus relevant?
The answer is: OF COURSE! Scripture is clear that Jesus is the instrument through which God redeems the world. That can't be dismissed. That is the gospel. All of creation will be redeemed because of Jesus's death on the cross and subsequent resurrection. Jesus is savior for all. Bell speaks about heaven and hell being a constant choice. At any given moment we have the choice to move toward God's love or away from it. Heaven or hell. Now and not yet.
Further, the idea that Jesus redeems all creation, and the potential directions that this idea leads discussion, doesn't make me question why I worship Jesus. If anything, it drives me further into a state of awe that I am blessed to have a relationship with him. So, of course Jesus is still relevant.
Conclusions:
Is Rob Bell a Universalist? He says no. I say who cares?! If you are concerned about the issue of universal salvation, go read the book of Isaiah, I guarantee it will raise more questions about universal salvation than Rob Bell does.
Rob Bell doesn't know what happens when we die. Neither do I. Neither do you. Anything that anyone says on this subject is pure conjecture. Why waste our energy criticizing and arguing over a point that none of us will know the answer to until our day comes?
I don't think the point of this discussion should be where do we go when we die, and who gets in? I think the conversation should form around who we think God is. More than anything, reading this book made me check the assumptions that I have made about who God is, and unlock the box that I keep God in. God has more love than I can fathom, and for me, assuming that I know what God is going to do with other people when they die is limiting the power, love and freedom that God has.
Anyone can quote a verse or two of Scripture to make a point. But the Bible is also a whole story. A story of the engagement of a loving God with a broken people. In the words of Bell, "Just read the story, because a good story has a powerful way of rescuing us from abstract theological discussions that can tie us up in knots for years" (p12).