at this very moment

i am sitting in my parent's living room, listening to my stepdad cook dinner and talk to my 5-year-old brother. in the last 4 days, i've gotten to know some pretty cute kids that i'm lucky to get to call brothers and sisters. i have been back in the US from my second visit to Haiti since late Saturday night. i have yet to make it all the way home to seattle. i absolutely loved being in Haiti again. i feel like God was showing me so much. it was very encouraging, affirming and normal. it felt right. there were moments that were hard, but they were chances for growth. but it was not my life. not yet. the fact is, the actual life that i have to live is still waiting for me at home. i have been getting the impression this last week that lots of things have been happening very quickly while i've been away, and nothing is going to be easy when i get back. life has continued on without me and in a lot of ways i need to catch up. in some other ways, i need to let go. there are probably more ways that i need to let go than i need to catch up. i had some moments of clarity while in Haiti. some duh moments. some moments of the picture becoming clearer. i want that life. i can't wait for it. Lord, please please please help me to take the things you've taught me home and incorporate them into my life. please please please help keep me moving forward in the right direction. please please please help me to rely on you.