sharing my story

was intense. i couldn't sleep very well last night in anticipation of today. i woke up this morning with an upset stomach, filled with butterflies. i went to church, and brought my girls cuz they are here for the weekend. they went to the little preschool sunday school and had fun. it was presh to see them there. our pastor has been doing a series on freedom, and today was his message on freedom from fear. it was beautiful. slowly through the message i could feel my stomach calming down and the tension in my shoulders easing. so then comes the moment. in sunday school, i get up and give my testimony. of course i forgot my bottle of water and my chap stick, so i was dry as a bone. that part was awful. but i happy at the amount of support that i received from the others, and how many people came up to me afterwards to give me a hug. it felt real. i pray it persists. then i had to go before the missions board today, to see if they would give me some money for my trip to newport. i think it went pretty well, and they hinted at the fact that i was going to get something, so now its just a matter of how much. i'm glad i'm where i am. tonight though, wasn't as hot as this morning. i went to the House like normal, and like normal i got up from my seat next to my brother to go to the back of the room. its just what i prefer. and my brother tried to talk to me in the car about it, asking if i really want him there, and why i don't ask him to sit somewhere else, and why am i uncomfortable worshipping next to him. it made me mad. i don't like saying that, and i don't like being mad, but i was upset that he didn't understand it. worship is an intensely personal thing, and i'm not entirely comfortable doing it around anyone..its just easier around my christian friends, because they do it too. so i'm a little irked that he is upset that i don't want to sit with him. i wish he understood.