rants

i don't like talking about people in love. i don't like talking about how people died. i don't like talking about people who are dying. i miss him. i'm never going to have him again. never going to see him, or hug him, or hear him tell a joke. that's something i have to live with, we all have to live with. why must we rehash the circumstances that brought us to this point? do we really have to go through all of the "what ifs"? its ridiculous. i'm sorry this entry is about death. its just really around me right now. my grandma has jaundice. it's scurry. i don't want to be there to watch her be in pain. i don't want to watch her go slowly into the night. i don't like to see the ones i love in pain. that's why it seems like i don't care. because i care too much. and i really don't like talking about boys and dating and love. i don't like talking about the fact that everyone has someone but me. i don't like hearing how happy people are when i am miserable. i don't like that the first thing my family asks me when i see them after a while is "got a boyfriend yet?" i don't like a lot of things.