thirteen

umm... i dont want to talk about the same old shit i always rant about. things are so back and forth for me. like a tree swaying in the breeze. only instead of a breeze, its a howling gale. and instead of a tree, its a meager shrub. every time a gust comes along, i get uprooted. the only thing is, i never really get replanted into the ground. i just dangle, partly buried, partly hanging, almost dead. each wind comes stronger and stronger. i don't know when the last little root i hang by is going to break. next monday, its been a year since my life changed. a year since i realized what was most important. what would really make or break my sanity. as tough as those times were, it didn't break me. i've broken for much more superficial reasons. but i realized something, this time last year. there are certain people who will always be there for you. i mean ALWAYS. i'm not talking about a best friend kind of always. i mean, no matter what, through thick and thin, life and death, they are there. and you can never get rid of them. as horrifying as that experience was, a lot of good came out of it. i am so glad to love a family as great as mine. i miss them all so much. this semester has been killing me. i have been so busy, i haven't had that stability that kept me safe last year. and last semester, and every other time i have cracked. all i need is one day. i just need a break. some time to become reacquainted with my life. i've been noticing lately the tensity in my jaw, and my neck. and i can't stand it. nothing helps.