thoughts

my grandma has to go back to the doctor cuz they found some lumps. here's hoping she's okay. i am afraid that my grandmas are the only thing holding my family together. well, i know its not true on one side of the fam, but...like... i don't see my dad, or any of my other family unless its like, at dinner at my grandma's house. and when she dies, i'm going to be expected to handle a lot...specifically my dad...and i don't want to do that. like...if i had my way, i would just go off and live my life, and he would go off and live his. i have no problem never seeing him again. like, you know how they say that depression runs in the family, its genetic or whatever, well...he's depressed. and i'm sad when i'm around him. so why should i put myself in that situation? but on the other hand, what kind of person would I be if i just let my dad fall? i don't know. i just don't want to be sucked into his world. i'm out -peace-carly-