live your hopes, not your fears

I am in need of a new creative outlet.  In honor of several new friends that keep a blog, I've chosen this form of expression.  It's much cheaper than painting.
A few months ago, 5 to be exact, I moved to Seattle.  It was difficult, duh.  I was beyond excited to get out of Elk Grove, and was prepared for what was to come, but actually experiencing it was a whole other story.  It has been a complete blessing and challenge to be here with my best friend.  We have added a new dynamic to our friendship: being roommates.  I like it.

We have gotten jobs, made new friends, started cultivating lives for ourselves in this new place.  We have little things here and there that are the same, like our mutual love of road trips, that help to keep us going when the new environment gets tough.  But most of all, every day is exciting!

I can honestly say that I am completely in love with living in Seattle.  I love being here and sharing it with my best friend.  I love the amazing new people that we've met and had the pleasure to get to know lately.  The Fab Four, as we like to call ourselves, are pretty much the most amazing group of people you'll ever know.  I love that there's always somewhere to go when you want something new, and I love that there's already the tried and true places that have become routine stomping ground.  I love getting up everyday and thinking about how much I love this city.  I love coming around the hill and seeing the Seattle skyline and feeling like I'm home.  I love that its still full of unlimited possibility.  And I love that I don't feel stuck here.
<BR> There is an underpass that I drive often that in light of upcoming elections has some graffiti on it that reads: "vote your hopes, not your fears". one day as I drove by, it got me thinking. that's actually a pretty good motto for life. Think about it...<BR> Live your hopes, not your fears<BR> Live out what you hope for your life, don't live into what you fear for it.<BR><BR>
I can't wait for each new day.  And that's a good feeling.

Retrospectives: 5 days until Seattle, musings on a boy

I'm starting completely over in a new place and that is so scary. But for as scared as I am, I'm so excited to define the terms of my life and decide who I let in. I have found comfort in the challenge that lies ahead of me and I pray that I take advantage of and learn from every new opportunity that comes my way. There is the matter of this boy who has somehow entered my life. I have no idea where he is at or what he is thinking. He has made many comments about the future and alluding to a relationship between us but he has not said anything flat out. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, but he's held my hand… I have been thinking a lot about how I feel about this possibility, given the fact that he lives in LA, I'm going to be living in Seattle and I have never been in any kind of relationship, let alone a long distance one. But here's what I've come up with. I've decided that I like him. That has happened before, no big deal, but here's the difference: there have been guys that I've wanted to get to know but with this one, not only do I want to know him, I want him to know me. I actually had that conscious thought. I am not the most willing person to share myself with others. So I feel like this is a big deal for me, and that makes it something I want to pursue. however, given that he hasn't made his intentions clear, I'm hesitant to hand him my heart until I know he wants it and is ready to receive it. So I guess, to put a visual metaphor on the situation, I have a reserved sign there for him. 3.29.10 Thoughts now: I read what I wrote about moving to Seattle, and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. I think I've done a pretty good job of this so far. I can't say I've done well with every opportunity, but I have done a lot of new things, been challenged by a lot, and come out on the other side. So I count this a success. As for the boy, clearly that didn't work out. I was upset for a while afterward, because the last time I spoke to him, we had a conversation in which we agreed that its incredibly difficult to have a long distance relationship, but that we both wanted to continue to get to know each other. Then, nothing. No more calls, no messages, nothing. I have yet to this day to have closure on that. I think for the most part, I'm over it, it doesn't affect me, etc. However, I think that I'm still pretty hesitant to share who I really am with people. Situations like this make it hard for me to be vulnerable and feel safe. Mostly with gentleman-folk. I hope that I'm making progress in this department, but it takes time and strategically placed people.