a unicorn or a leper

this is a blog about sex and singleness. i can't help it, the topic just seems to continue to come up in my life lately. and it seems that more often than not it results in me having to defend my life choices. so, this blog is part complaining and part insight into how it feels to be a single and abstinent twenty-seven year old woman.

"Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn." - Shirley Bennett (a character on the tv show Community)

i used to agree with this statement. i was proud of the choices i had made, and proud that sexual intimacy is something that i only want to experience with my husband (if/when he comes along). i have had a handful of experiences this summer, though, that have made me feel otherwise: like i am a virgin because i am undesirable, or that being a virgin at my age is weird and i am somehow less than. more and more people are starting to ask me when i am going to get married and start a family of my own. i suddenly feel pressure. but here is what i have to say in response to the pressure, and to the feeling that rises up inside me as i react:

if you know me at all, you know that family is incredibly important to me, as are children in general. if you know me, you know that i love to tell stories about my younger brothers and sisters, or my nieces and nephews. i speak about them as a proud big sister/auntie, and i do my best to love them despite being geographically separated from them.

and if you know me at all, you know that i love the children i interact with daily as well. i love the kids that i work with, and i love the kids of my dear friends who have become my family in seattle.

i have no shortage of people to love and invest in.

and just because i am not legally responsible for these people, and none of them share my genetics, does not mean that i don't have a family of my own.

i have chosen a path that has led to schooling and a schedule that keeps me tied loosely to my sanity sometimes. how in the world would i ever manage to fit a boyfriend, let alone a husband and a family into this? i am proud of what i am doing, and i feel called to what i am doing, even if that means that other parts of my life are on hold.

i am twenty-seven. i am single. i choose not to have sex.

this is who i am, and it shouldn't surprise anyone, nor should i have to apologize for it.