hopelessly...i love you endlessly.

umm tonight: an unexpected call from the past. one i was not prepared to take, nor prepared to deal with. not that there's really all that much to deal with. but, her return spawns so much. she'll expect things to return to what they were before she left. but the truth is, our relationship was falling apart before she moved. i feel like i need to cut these ties. the negative relationships of my past that were once what kept me sane...have changed into these things that define who i was. i don't want to be identified with that person anymore. so i am moving on.. faith: its something i haven't talked about in a couple weeks. i am still learning, tweaking, etc. i was watching dogma today, and rufus made hella sense. he said he doesn't like beliefs because they can't be changed easily. people should stick with ideas. i think that's hella true. because there are so many things to believe out there, all you can really do is have an idea, because you never know when things might change, and how you will feel later on. james: i like him. but do i really? or is it just me being tired of alone? i wish i knew. and who knows..maybe when i meet him, i will feel differently. i wish i could pray about these things. that's a step i haven't taken yet. its a big step, for someone to talk to an entity that for so long, they didn't believe was there. i don't know what else to say. i'm really tired. i like stating myself out here in lj-land for all to see. it makes me feel so vulnerable, but yet liberated because its just that much less that i'm carrying secretly inside. i hope you understand.