superficial

is it wrong to want to die? i wish someone would kill me, so i could get out of here. this life is superficial. everything i do is for no reason at all. i have no one..except for Him. if only i could be with him now. my life is so messed up, i am so messed up..how is this supposed to work? sometimes i don't think its worth it..i wish i could sleep it all away. goodnight. edit: 9:08pm. i'm just being selfish. i hate it. i don't understand why these thoughts are going through my head. God doesn't deserve them, and neither do i. am i just searching for attention? i cleaned up tonight super fast, before anyone noticed it was done, and booked it before saying goodbye. then i called deanna and told her i had a horrible day. did i just want her sympathy? do i create horrible situations just so people will pay attention to me? after all negative attention is still attention.. i don't want to be like that. am i like that? i just don't like where i am right now. i'm........something. i don't know what. it sucks.